Another City Report - Wellington

This is another in my city reports. I was asked recently for some insight into the city of my birth (actually the city of my birth is Lower Hutt, but if you have trouble finding Wellington...). The below brief city notes have been submitted to the CIA Fact Book, we can all rest better for my exhaustive research.

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Local Weather - There are three states of weather in Wellington;
1. Just about to rain, 2. Raining, 3. Just finished raining.
It is always windy.

Local Sport - Rugby. Seriously its all anybody will want to talk about. Details below to help you acclimatise quicker;

• National Team - All Blacks (cruelly robbed of many victories by the evil referee/Wallibies/Springbocks/Frence/Global Warming etc. Be prepared to answer questions or criticism of past matches regardless of whether or not you care or even saw the game. This applies even if you are from Victoria.)
• Super 14 Team - The Hurricanes, lost the final last year to an unusual display of black magic by the Crusaders (they cloaked the entire pitch in a thick mist, then scored a record number of tries when no one was looking)(cheating bastards)
• Regional Team - The Lions, you won't care enough to watch them so don't worry.

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Local Arts Scene - Vibrant. There are more theatres and galleries per head of population than anywhere else in the Southern Hemisphere (if you don't believe me, just ask someone - they will tell you, again and again and again....) Usually produced to a very high standard of quality.
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Local TV - Very Good. Well it has to be, everyone stays inside out of the rain.
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Transport - Get a car or get used to public transport. The other very viable alternative is to walk everywhere. Don't waste your money on the cable car. Parking in the city is hit and miss.
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Topography - Hills are what the locals refer to the charming sheer cliffs surrounding the city. Most of them are taller the Snowy Mountains. All of them have houses on.
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Cuba Street - Once the dangerous alternative haunt of the Wellington Underground scene. Its now a thriving shopping precinct. Walk to the far end for the Real Groovey Records store and kiss your paycheck good bye.
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Cuisine - Kebabs and fish 'n' chips. There are actual restaurants, but kebabs and the old FNC are foodgroups in themselves. They bring the family together.
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Beer - Tui and Waikato are good North Island brands. Speight's is the South Island's gift to the country. Don't drink it unless you actually own a 500,000 hectare sheep station - otherwise you're just a poser.
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Earthquakes - Will happen regularly. There will be at least 1x 5.5+ Richter Scale shake per year. Locals will lower there voices when they talk of the impending 'Big One'. Smile and nod, sip your beer and have a deep thoughtful bite of your kebab.
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No one knows when it will strike, but you can assume you have plenty of time to catch the bus home, put your feet up and watch your latest DVD from Real Groovey records.