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Suave raconteur and dinner party favourite. Once held the Olympic torch, has delivered newspapers to prime ministers, shaken hands with Prince Charles, wrecked Jason Donovan's skateboard, climbed 300 metre granite cliff faces, surfed with dolphins, appears on community radio and is in demand for these and the accounts of other thrilling exploits!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Scenes from a Mall

So today, I had the chance to grab some lunch while at a local Mall. If your interested it was some sort of generic pan-asian cuisine.
It filled me up.

So anyway, I'm sitting there eating hurriedly, surrounded by children and 'young adults' when I spy the movie theatre with its list current features. I'm aware there has been a decline in movie going patronage, people claim the DVD has much to do with this. I propose that movies today are a steaming pile of shite.
Its currently some sort of Easter School Holidays for the wee 'uns and for their viewing pleasure we had on offer;
Shaggy Dog
She's the Boss
Ice Age2
March of the Penguins
Failure to Launch
Yours mine and Ours
Worlds fastest Indian

May I offer the following as way of critical assessment;
Shaggy Dog - It wasn't funny the first time. Tim Allen sure as hell won't make it any funnier.
She's the Boss - And yet I still don't care, unless... nope PG-13
Ice Age 2 - Note to Hollywood, Queen Latifah as comic relief - works better when the aim is to actually produce any unfunny character, not the consequence.
March of the Penguins - Not the next film in the Batman franchise, boy was I disappointed.
Failure to Launch - Succeeds to Suck.
Yours, Mine and Ours - Blah-Blah parents get married, Blah-Blah odd couple set up, blah-blah kids from each previous family, Blah-Blah for some reason they get 'revenge', blah-blah you could have brought 4 beers from your friends with the money you spend on this crap.
Worlds Fastest Indian - .... yeah, I still don't care.

Every minute I spend with bored kids in public spaces make want to put that microwave on high for 30 minutes and hold it to my crotch. The children of all ages in this mall food court were as you can imagine, acting like kids usually do. They were irrating the hell of the adults sentence to mind them.
I tell you what partner, I've had 2 days off in the past 6 weeks - the last thing I would want to do on a holiday is hang around some dribbling fuckwit with the table manners of a council worker, the vocabulary of a Sun Herald newspaper and the conversation of morning/drive time radio DJ.
I have no idea how teachers or parents manage it.

3 comments:

Seraph said...

Dude - I don't even know how we manage it. I'm increasingly of the opinion that it's some form of selective brain damage. Y'know - people sometimes have their 'short term memory' center wiped out when they get a javelin through the heads ? I think that I've had my "get homocidally pissed off at kids" burned out ( or at least stunted ) by some past trauma. Probably drinking with you. =)

BubbaJay said...

I used to be against corporal punishment (when I was on the receiving end), but deal out a couple of savage beatings to some punk kids on a regualr basis - that has to be good for moral.

Seraph said...

You'd be surprised how many teachers are of this opinion. Me - I say go one further. Organ harvest the worst kid each term. It's good for moral, it gives non-scumbags a chance at a better life, and I can afford to get a plasma tv set in my classroom. Everyone wins !